Read, Pray, Love

She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. - Rodney Dangerfie...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. - W.C. Fiel...

My wife had her drivers test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear. - Rodney Dangerfie...

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. - Franklin P. Jon...

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday. - George Bur...

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? - Lily Toml...

Funny how just when you think life can't possibly get any worse it suddenly does. - Douglas Noel Ada...

The behavior of any bureaucratic organization can best be understood by assuming that it is controlled by a secret cabal of its enemies. - Robert Conque...

Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic. - Ambrose Bier...

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. - Oprah Winfr...

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers. - Rodney Dangerfie...

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me. - Emo Phili...

I bought a perfect second car ... a tow truck. - Rodney Dangerfie...

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. - Groucho Ma...

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. - Charles M. Schu...

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - Steven Wrig...

She looked at my calendar and wanted to know who JUNE was. - Rodney Dangerfie...

Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive. - Rodney Dangerfie...

You are graduating from college. That means that this is the first day of the last day of your life. No, that's wrong. This is the last day of the first day of school. Nope, that's worse. This is a day. - Andy Sambe...

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement? - Fred All...